More on Nouns of Assemblage (No--not "Moron")

For an interesting article on the history of books about nouns of assemblage see http://www.worldwidewords.org/articles/collectives.htm, which also contains some other nouns of assemblage, such as a precision of lexicographers. The link reveals that an early authoress, Dame Juliana Barnes, who is supposed to have been prioress of the nunnery of Sopwell near St Albans, wrote in The Book of St Albans of 1486, that the term for a group of lawyers is an eloquence of lawyers. I have met many lawyers who would be excluded from that group. The piece includes a joke about a four Oxford academicians who encounter a group of prostitutes and offer the following nouns of assemblage for that profession:
1) a jam of tarts
2) an anthology of pros
3)An essay of Trollopes, and
4) A flourish of strumpets.

Further suggestions for modern groups include a clutch of mechanics and an expense of consultants. (I have heard of a confusion of experts as well).

They are sometimes referred to as collective nouns, by which we do not mean garbage men, or numismatists and philatelists.

ADDED SATURDAY:

Never one to shirk a challenge that's never been made to me, I propose the following double meaning nouns of assemblage for the group that the Oxford professors overlooked:

A cell full of call girls,

a gal up of whores. Which is reminiscent of the Groucho Marx remark that a gala day is enough for any man.

For additional fall photographs see October and November posts.

Click to enlarge and enjoy fall.

Names of Groups

We know that groups of various living things have special names--a gaggle of geese, a pride of lions, and a coven of witches are examples. Schott's Original Miscellany (Bloomsbury Press, 2003) calls these terms "Nouns of Assemblage," and reminds us of some others, such as an exaltation of larks, a murder of crows and a parliament of owls. The book also lists others we never knew, such as a wilderness of monkeys, a cete of badgers, and a muster of peacocks to name a few.
There are others that we can create. I believe that a group of bureaucrats ought to be called a ream of bureaucrats on account of the dictionary and slang definitions of the term. So what do we call a group of lawyers? I suggest "a power of attorneys." (I plan to print a T shirt- A power of Attorneys/Attorneys of Power. The attorneys in Pakistan proved their power when Gen. Mushsaraf honorably discharged himself from the army after the attorneys rioted in the streets. Mushaarf had proposed a new contingency arrangement for the attorneys by which they would get up to one third of the sentences received by their criminal clients. But I digress.)
I considered the T shirt because, as an experienced attorney, I am at the height of my powers. This used to be a problem for me, because I was afraid of heights, but after years, I was cured of acrophobia. I am no longer afraid of heights, but now I am afraid of widths!

Summary of Today's Summit

Condensed version:
Shalom! Saalam! So Long.

Y Basketball? Why not?

It's basketball season in the New York neighborhoods and all over the cities of New York state, and the various YMCAs and YMHAs are gearing up for the Inter-City Y Basketball season. Please sign up for the fanciful team of your choice (or try naming a few of your own and send them to me as comments):
The Hell's Kitchen Cabinets
The Spuyten Duyvil Worshipers
The Flatbush Leaguers
The Chelsea Clintons
The Greenwich Village Idiots
The Queens Crossdressers
The Willets Point Setters
The Whitestone Henges
The Brighton Beach Memoirs
Da Bronx Obamas
The Soho Tells (no Imus type humor here please).

And out of town:

The Kingston Trios
The Delphi Oracles, and
The Painted Post Impressionists.

The New York State Legislature In Action

Inaction is what most of us prefer from the New York State Legislature as we are familiar with the old saw "No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe while the Legislature is in session.” It is a classic political phrase that popularly began with a New York court decision in 1866 (1 Tucker 248, N. Y. Surr. 1866).

However, here is a sample of the handiwork of the legislature in 1971 -- and a perfect piece of useless trivia it is. Section 6514 of the Education Law was repealed by the legislature in 1971 when it enacted chapter 987 Section 1. The Solons were probably in a hurry to get out of town (I spent a week in Albany one afternoon myself) because they subsequently passed chapter 1135 Section 6 of the laws of 1971, amending a subdivision of the same Section 6514 of the Education Law that they had previously repealed. Otto von Bismark reportedly quipped that “The less the people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they sleep at night.” And that's how The New York Legislature makes (Albanian) sausage--and, laws or links, expect the wurst.

Do you Disagree with Huckabee?

Mike Huckabee says that he does not believe in evolution. Do you disagree? Look at the facts:
The first presidents in this country were George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and James Madison. The last two were Bill Clinton and George W. Bush. With candidates like Tom Tancredo, Duncan Hunter, Dennis Kucinich, Joe Bidden and Hillary Clinton--not to mention Huckabee himself --who can say that we are evolving to a higher level?
So ask your Doctor if Mike Huckabee is right for you. Common side effects include headache, stomache ache and nausea.

The You Call This Living Will

Clients have been demanding living wills recently, despite the fact that a living will bit one of them when he took it home. Lawyers who do not wish to reinvent the wheel (because there is already a patent on it, so what’s the point? Maybe you could do what Pfizer did, and combine it with an axle and try to patent the combination.) can use this handy sample living will, which we call the “You call this living?” Will, to distinguish it from our other living will (which is called “Living Will is the Best Revenge.”)
LIVING WILL OF JOHN DOUGH

I, John Dough, being of temporarily sound mind and body, but cognizant of the vicissitudes of life and the fact that I have an HMO for medical care, greedy heirs, and don’t like to use seatbelts, do hereby declare this my living will:
I do not want to be kept alive in a vegetative state (such as Florida). I declare that the legislature of any state, the Congress of the United States, or the President of the United States (hereinafter “the Decider”) shall not make any medical decisions for me (whether or not they are based upon the polls), nor should referendums be held concerning my medical treatment if any.
No audience participation shows where people call in ( such as “America’s Next Living Vegetable”) shall conduct polls on whether I should live or die. I further direct that no decisions be made concerning whether to discharge me from the hospital with extreme prejudice by any HMO living or dead (whether or not the HMO has previously permitted me to go into a coma upon my written application). No heroic means shall be used to sustain me even if I have heroic medical insurance coverage. I forbid Dr. House and his colleagues from trying a dozen different tests and/or treatments on me trying to find out from which exotic illness I am suffering. I direct that HIPAA not withstanding, doctors be permitted to tell my named health care proxy holder what I’m suffering from. If I am hospitalized , I direct that tests be performed to determine if I have burned out my cortex, or that my brain has ceased to function. The tests shall consist of offering me:
(1) A big thick steak, (2) a beer, (3) the remote control to the TV, (4) a sponge bath from a comely nurse, (4) the sports page, (5) A banana split. If I fail to respond to the above named stimuli then you can take it from me–I’m dead.

Under such circumstances someone (other than an heir in my will) is directed to pull the plug and settle the bill.

X_______________________
(Future deceased signs here).

White House Answering Machine

PLEASE LISTEN TO YOUR CHOICES CAREFULLY AS THE WHITE HOUSE TELEPHONE SYSTEM HAS CHANGED



Welcome to the Executive Branch of the United States government located at the White House, serving America continuously since 1786. Par Espanole marque dos. Please listen to your choices as the White House Telephone System has changed.
All conversations will be monitored for quality assurance, and to comply with Homeland Security measures enacted as part of the USA Patriot Act.
If you are calling to thank President Bush for doing a good job or to complain about the Democrats press “1" now.
If you are calling to make a large contribution to the Republican Party press “2" now.
If you are calling to report Un-American activities on the part of your neighbors press “3” now.
If you are calling to report or obtain a leak of classified information press “4" now.
If you wish to report or warn about a natural disaster such as a monster hurricane, a potential terrorist incident, or the current location of Osama bin Laden press “5" and stay on the line. Do not be alarmed if a foreign accented operator answers the telephone, as we have out-sourced our reporting system to India, Pakistan and the United Arab Emirates.
If you wish to contact FEMA about a Hurricane Katrina related request press 9-11 now. If you telephone has no 11 you’re out of luck.
If you wish to report an incident of global warming please recheck your data, run more tests and call back in ten years.
If you are a foreign leader and are calling to report that you have accidentally launched a nuclear missile attack on the U.S., please hang up and call 1-800 R-E-D P-H-O-N-E.
If you are calling to speak to President Bush, he cannot come to the telephone right now because he is busy making the world safe for democracy or riding his bike. However your message is important to him, so please speak slowly and distinctly using small words if possible. Please leave a number at which your answering machine can be reached, and this answering machine will call back and they’ll do lunch.
Thank you for calling the Executive Branch of the United States Government. The Executive Branch is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Halliburton Corporation.
Have a patriotic day.

November

Library Pond

Thanksgiving Leftovers

On the third day of Thanksgiving leftovers one of the things I'm most grateful for is that Thanksgiving doesn't last as long as Hanukkah.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2007

Happy Thanksgiving to all. Today is the day we celebrate the arrival of undocumented boat people (i.e., without visas) on our shores by honoring them with a big feast. USA Yesterday (is that the way you refer to yesterday's USA Today?) says that the first Thanksgiving may have occurred 50 years earlier in September at St. Augustine, Florida. A Spanish priest celebrated a mass and shared a bean soup with the natives. A vegan Thanksgiving will never catch on in this era, and the thought that the original intent of the founding fathers of Florida was that the Official Language of Florida be Spanish will certainly not play well with the 50% of Florida residents that don't speak that language.

No Pardon for Turkey?

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has introduced a non-binding resolution urging President George Bush not to issue a pardon to any turkey this Thanksgiving because of their role in the Armenian Genocide. She also urged a boycott of Turkish Taffy.

Today's Take on the Defense of Barry Bonds

Here is an amplified repost on how to defend Barry Bonds:
Last week it was Bernard Kerik who was indicted for lying to the government, and this week it's Barry Bonds. There seems to be a rash of that going around. They may yet be charged with violating the Federal Truth in Lying Act. So, how will Barry Bonds defend himself (without hiring me)?
Look at Count One of the indictment as reported on several websites. It is no display of precise oratory style, nor is it withering examination under oath:

"Q: I know the answer -- let me ask you this again. I know we kind of got the [sic] into this. Let me be real clear about this. Did he (Anderson) ever give you anything that you knew to be a steroid? Did he ever give a steroid?

A: I don't think Greg would do anything like that to me and jeopardize our friendship. I just don't think he would do that.

Q: Well, when you say you don't think he would do that, to your knowledge, I mean, did you ever take any steroids that he gave you?

A: Not that I know of."
The awkwardness of the questions and the loopiness of the answers (so unlike Bonds' precise, powerful swing) afford an insight to my defense. Here are my exclusive, previously unreported excerpts from the grand jury transcript:
Q: Umm, do you, I mean, promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing, you know, but the truth?
A: Yes, and then some.
Q: Have you,I gotta ask, umm, you know, been known as Barry Lamar Bonds your whole life?
A: Not yet.
Q: Is your appearance here pursuant to subpoena?
A: No, when I'm not playing ball I always dress like this."

What two sources the Feds will use to prove the perjury is the subject of intense speculation. Some believe that Bonds ex paramour/live-in-girlfriend/suddenly less significant other (remember-it's only pre-marital sex if you plan to get married) has rolled over on him. This is a slang legal term (we have no actual photos of it and you'll just have to use you imagination) from criminal law and not from Marvin Michelson on Palimony.

OK, now to my defense, right out of the classic "I killed my mother and father, so have mercy on me 'cause I'm an orphan" book of defense strategies. First, you find an "expert" ("Expert" is a word composed of two parts--"ex" meaning former, and "spurt" defined as a drip under pressure) who will opine that the witches' brew of artificial chemicals Barry Bonds got from his close personal friend Greg Anderson at BallsCo. (oops--Balco!) affected his ability to (1) understand the nature of an oath and/or (2) tell the truth. Some of it contained mirror image molecules of sodium pentothal which have now been discovered to be an anti-truth serum. It is believed the contaminated truth serum came from Chinese labs (Chemical laboratories--not Labrador retrievers. Why would the Chinese want to retrieve Labrador, anyway?)
Moreover, the chemicals interacted with Bonds mental state, a new, soon to be announced Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders IV and 1/2 confirmed diagnosis of Celebrity Personality Disorder. That mental condition is characterized by a long time celebrity's inability to distinguish what he or she wants to be true from what is, in fact true.
Barry--don't lose my number.

TODAY- 11/19

Today Congress plans to take up the troubling issue of pro wrestling. Who can say they shirk their duties to consider important stuff? The Federal Truth in Professional Wrestling Act will be a short piece of legislation indeed. It is similar to the Truth Must Be Stranger Than Fiction Act requiring fiction to have less truth. If this investigation is a big hit they may inquire why OSHA has not shut down Montgomery Burns' Springfield Nuclear Plant...Today Lloyd Carr, Michigan football head coach is expected to retire. Wolverine fans are hoping he'll make it retroactive to the day before the Appalachian State game.
This week the supremecourtjester will be reporting from Naples, Fla., which looks like what God could have done if he had more money. (How much does He have? I don't know--but we've all heard the expression "He has more money than God!") Naples is full of gated developments. The Jester recalls when we used to lock up the criminals and the citizens walked freely, but now the reverse is the case. But that's one way that Naples resembles Heaven-- which is also a gated community we're told.

Why the endorsement?

Why do fundamentalists endorse the pugnacious Rudy Giuliani? Because they are interested in bringing about Armageddon! His presidency was predicted by the 16th century organized crime capo/prognosticator Cosa Nostradamus. Fundamentalists hope that while Rudy incessantly repeats nine eleven, many people will be dialing that number. Except for Fred Thompson, who will complain that his telephone has no eleven on it.

Not only is the grass greener....

Not only is the grass greener in the neighbor's yard, the Japanese Maple is redder.

What's New? (Re-posted)

There's a Democratic Candidate's debate on TV tonight. It proves that with the writer's strike there's nothing but re-runs. And they'll keep doing that debate until they get it right....In India, according to the Associated Press, (and not the Disassociated Press) a man married a dog as penance for mistreating animals. Now there's a guy who can literally complain that his wife is a real bitch.... (Good segue) That woman who asked John McCain at a campaign stop in South Carolina "How are we going to beat the bitch?" has been arrested by agents from the ASPCA. In India her penance would be to marry Bill Clinton!....Barry Bonds is wondering--is the O.J. Simpson jury around somewhere and available?

FROSTY MORNING

RASISINS/WRINKLES/LOGIC

Have you seen that annoying commercial on TV where the woman says that raisins must be smart because they have wrinkles (like little brains?)? You remember from logic class: The apple is round and red and good to eat. The kickball is round and red and, therefore, must be good to eat?
What's with this commercial? Does it stand for the logic that eating things that are smart will make you smart? At first I thought it was for cereal made with brains as an ingredient--but no.
Using the logic of the false analogy that wrinkles indicating wisdom, I assume that at the end of the day the shirt I'm wearing will be a lot smarter than at the beginning of the day--and if I wore it again tomorrow it would be even wiser. That pair of pants that's been at the bottom of the pile of clothes to donate to Goodwill Industries must be about to demonstrate the proof for Fermat's last theorem by the looks of it.
Using this logic I will get my investment advice from a shar pei.
If raisins are so smart, what are they doing growing in Fresno?

TWO QUOTATIONS FOR TODAY

If breaking up is hard to do, here are two more things to add to the (hard) "to do" list.

"The admonition to disregard evidence which had been stricken out was easy to give and hard to follow."
... People v. Marshall 306 NY 223 at 228, 117 NE2d 265 at 267.

"Moreover, the charge is so easy to make and so hard to defend that there should be sedulous scrutiny of the record."
.....Commissioner of Public Welfare v. Kotel, 256 App. Div. 352, 9 NYS2d 1005 at 1006.

CEILING-LIBRARY OF CONGRESS

Click the picture to see it in more detail

TODAY'S QUOTE

"Truth will out, even in an affidavit"
......Old Chancery gibe, noted in the New York Law Journal, July 17, 1984 , p5. col. 1.

Alpha-Poetics

You probably know this famous Ogden Nash poem:

The Lama

The one-l lama,

He's a priest.

The two-l llama,
He's a beast.
And I will bet
A silk pajama
There isn't any
Three-l lllama.*

-- Ogden Nash
(to which Nash appended the footnote
*The author's attention has been called to a type of conflagration known
as a three-alarmer. Pooh.


I have tried the same poetic format with L and other letters of the alphabet. Be my guest if you wish to earn/suggest your own varsity letter. (With apologies to Ogden Nash and Llamas/lamas everywhere):

L
One L Cybil is a myth from Lit.,
Two L Cybill was a T.V. hit,
But hit or myth as a Roman counts,
A 3L Cybilll weighs a large amount.

X
A one X red fox runs from hounds.
A 2X Red Foxx stretched TV's bounds.
But given what 3 X's means
A 3X Red Foxxx is just obscene.

K
One K Jim Baker was Ron's A.G.
Two K Jim Bakker cried on TV.
And I'll bet a white sheet with two eye holes
3K Jim BaKKKers want tax on polls.
(Written on a computer with 128Ks).

D
Give a cheer for Sandra Dee,
And two for the Ramone named Dee Dee.
Playing Gidget or guitar they'd look
Better yet if seen in 3-D.

K Again
1K Decker's paired with Black.
2K Zilah Deckker's books are fact.
Garden books, says Google's checker,
Come from Hans-- a (triple) Deckkker.

And the final poem, from The literalist Poet (A lawyer, no doubt!):

A Poem

Roses are rose.
Violets are violet.
Poets don't compose
Poems on Palm Pilots.

Sunday Questions

1. On the death of Norman Mailer:
   Is the past tense of ego ewent?
2. Given what is posted today on the Internet, should the New York Times have a blog for all the news that's not fit to print?
   

Kerik, charged with lying, declares he is innocent, and why shouldn't we believe him?

Bernard Kerik, former Commissioner of Corrections for New York City and former Police Commissioner, has now been indicted in the Southern District of New York for tax evasion and lying to the White House about his past. People are speculating that the former Corrections Maven may soon be singing "I've looked at jail from both sides now, From in and out, and still some how, It's cash and checks I can't recall, I really pay no tax at all."
He is accused, inter alia, of accepting $250,000 as a gift from a contractor trying to do business with New York City. When America's Mayor Rudy called Kerik "a gifted Police Commissioner" he may have been more accurate than he realized. (The indictment can be found on findlaw.com)
But really--tax evasion? Anyone who has a job where he is often given cash remuneration for services--waiters, waitresses, delivery persons and political appointees-- often forget to report them on tax returns. Just what section of the tax code specifically provides that bribes are taxable events, anyway? Doesn't the Fifth Amendment apply to tax returns?
And whitewashing your past when applying for a new job--who hasn't done that? I padded my resume when I applied for my current job--and I'm self employed! (I said, "Wow, I'm impressed. I"ll hire this guy!") Although when you apply to be Secretary of Homeland Security you can't expect them to vet you as if you were applying for some insignificant bureaucratic backwater that's seldom in the spotlight --like FEMA. Maybe Kerik thought that it was only a secretarial position, so all they were going to ask about was his typing speed and coffee making skills (i.e., the "perks" of the job?). Homeland Security is a job where many things are done on a need to know basis--and Kerik did not believe that the White House aide (referred to only as "A" in counts nine through fourteen) needed to know. Why make him part of a conspiracy, too, when it wasn't necessary? It would just be one more thing for "White House Official A" to not remember when that Congressional subpoena comes along. We are not told why he is only referred to as "A" in the indictment. But it is possible that, when subpoenaed to testify, he suffered the same memory lapse that plagued many White House staffers who got subpoenas from Congressional committees, and simply could not recall the rest of the letters in his name.

MOOTHER GOOSE RESEARCHING A STORY

NEW YORK SPORTS METALLURGY UPDATE

This update for New York Baseball Metallurgy Enthusiasts:

1. Yesterday David Wright and Carlos Beltran were awarded Gold Gloves for fielding.
2. Today David Wright and Carlos Beltran were awarded Silver bats for hitting.
3. Tomorrow Alex Rodriguez (A Rod) will be awarded baseball's newest honor--the Brass balls for highest salary demand.
   

THE ROAD BECKONS IN FALL

Friday's Quote

Res judicata facit ex albo negrum, ex negro album, ex curvo rectum, ex recto curvum ("Res judicata makes white black, black white, the crooked straight and the straight crooked)"
.....People ex. rel. Watchtower Bible & Tract Soc. v. Haring, 286 App. Div. 676, 683.

Nemo debit bis vexari pro una at eadem causa. No man shall be twice vexed for one and the same cause.
...Matter of John P., 74 A. D. 2d 403 at 407.

Laws You Didn't Study in Law School

There are some laws that you didn't study in law school. One is the Law of Conservation of Matter. Sure, you've heard of it, but what does it mean? Well, it means the Universe is interested in conservation up to a point--- as long as it doesn't mean sorting out the trash into about a dozen different containers every night. Applied to everyday affairs this law means that weight loss is a zero sum affair. That is, every pound you lose someone else gains, and vice versa.
Martial Law is another. No one hangs out his shingle and lists himself in the Yellow pages or on the web as a Martial Law specialist. No one lists himself as "practice limited to Martial Law" in Martindale-Hubbell's directory, or gives you his card at a bar association cocktail party with "Martial Law a Specialty" embossed on it. When a judge asks you on your maiden appearance on a case, what kind of a case is this, you never hear anyone reply "Oh, your honor, this is a case of Martial Law, and it ought to be referred to the Martial Law Part." The reason why is obvious--in Martial Law the government always wins--no matter what the issue is, or what the merits are, or who the parties other than the government are. That's why it's not worth spending any money on the West/Thompson book Musharaf on Martial Law. Martial Law should not be confused with Martian Law--especially because there is no Martian Law of which we are aware (unless it dried up a long time ago); although that incomprehensible brief you got last week sure looks like it was discussing Martian Law. To summarize, Martian Law and Martial Law are opposites--in Martian Law there are no laws, and in Martial Law there is nothing but laws.
Then there's Gresham's Law. That's not really a law at all--it's just the name of the latest TV show about two rich families in which the bad moneyed family drives out the good billionaires.
Then there is the law of Diminishing Returns. If you saw Tuesday's voting totals, you know to what this law refers. Most people don't vote in off election years, and what is diminished as a result will return to haunt us in the coming years. In presidential election years, however, this rule does not apply in contested swing states, where often the turnout in key precincts exceeds 100% of the actual totals. That will be the case next year, because in many states the voting will be computerized and it's anyone's guess how the votes will be tallied when November '08 rolls around. If the computer in your voting booth is named HAL and is also mysteriously on a presidential ticket be wary.
People are rushing to establish avatars in Virtual Reality on the Web, and some of the avatars may actually be voting by computer, employing arcane programs that are protected by proprietary secret law, and cannot legally be revealed by cognoscenti even under the threat of waterboarding. As a result, no doubt, election lawyers will end up appearing before Judge Manuel Ricompte in December 2008. Thanks to computers, he will be searching out virtual chads.
And then there is Cole's Law. What!?! You don't know what Cole's Law is? You must not be from the Midwest. It's shredded cabbage with mayonnaise--and it's often found loitering in the vicinity of a hot dog.

Upcounty in Fall

TODAY'S QUOTE

Nullum tempus occurrit regi. "Time is no object to a government department."
...A.P. Herbert, Uncommon Law, p. 200 (1969, Methuen Ltd.)

Writer's Strike Replacement Shows (Reposted)

Although the TV writers are on strike and you are relegated to the Blogisphere for your entertainment, or perhaps C-SPAN (which is not the traffic camera on the George Washington Bridge) there are replacement shows in the works.
"Law and Order" (which is now up to the spinoff of a spinoff "Law and Order--Parking Violations Bureau") is going to be replaced by a gardening show--"Lawn Order. " "Heroes" will continue, but the plot will now involve the making of large submarine sandwiches. "The Daily Show" will be replaced by "The Fortnightly Show"--if the strike is settled in two weeks.

The NASCAR season is about to run out, but trained mice driving little wind up cars are going to replace them on TV--in a show that will be called "Rodent Track--the Rat Race."

ESPN, flush from it's success with poker tournaments, will now add Old Maid tournaments and Monopoly (only on rainy days when there is no school). Bill Gates will do the commentary on "Monopoly"--with rueful comments on the Gates comments by several lawyers for the European Union.

"House" will now be replaced on New Orleans TV stations by "FEMA Trailer"--a live camera show. "The Biggest Loser" will now feature coverage of the Presidential debates. (Hey, it could have been your mother-in-law's opinions on Thanksgiving you know!)
A rival network is planning "Survivor: Iowa Caucus" and "Survivor: New Hampshire Primary" in which people from a small state unlike yours get to send one candidate packing for home by voting him off the campaign trail ("Happy trails to you, until we meet again!"). "Extreme Makeover: Political Edition will feature Mitt Romney's Massachusetts and Republican Primary positions. "Gossip Girls" will continue--but will consist of actual gossiping women of a certain age playing mah jong and talking about their grandchildren.

"America's Next Top Model" will feature car ads from Ford, G.M. and Chrysler. (Spoiler: No one wins!)

Incessant reruns of Seinfeld will not be affected. Plans to bring back incessant re-runs of "I Love Lucy" are in the works.

RIDDLE'S ANSWER

The answer to last week's riddle has been posted where the riddle was posted.

Today's Questions

Should investment vehicles come equipped with seat belts?

Where is this Point Bea that people are always trying to get to from Point A? What about Point Sea? Do you know what I mean? Me neither.

Are there low crimes and misdemeanors?

Does the right to counsel attach during the bar exam?

Will they name the new Yankee Stadium after the current Yankee owner, i.e., the House that Ruthless Built?

Is there a motion to conform the proof to the verdict?

Was the Triboro Bridge named after three donkeys?

If "give" is the opposite of "take," why are caretakers and caregivers synonyms?

Can a litigant who represents himself refuse to testify because of attorney-client privilege?

Remember, It's a marvelous time to be alive, although not a particularly good day to be.

A Yahoo picks on Yahoo

At a congressional hearing held Tuesday Rep. Tom Lantos (D., Calif.) put on a stunning and hypocritical performance when he lambasted Yahoo's co-founder and Chief Executive Jerry Yang and General Counsel Michael Callahan. He ranted:

"While technologically and financially you are giants, morally you are pygmies." What was the source of his anger (and sound bite)? It appears that Yahoo complied with Chinese government requests to turn over e mail data on a dissident that were made pursuant to Chinese law. This is the same Tom Lantos who supported the USA Patriot Act that would require Yahoo to turn over email information on American citizens if the FBI requested it under certain circumstances. Lantos apparently believes it's OK for the American government to get emails of citizens, but it's OK to ignore Chinese laws that are meant to obtain similar information. It's bad logic and good sound bites in Washington. Where were his fellow Democrats on the committee to point out the hypocrisy of this yahoo?

ERRATUM: When this was first posted the name of Congressman Lantos was inadvertently converted to Landros in several places. Eric and Brett Lindros were hockey players who retired because they had suffered multiple concussions. We are unable to ascertain whether Congressman Lantos' positions are the result of having been hit in the head frequently.

Quote for Today--Wednesday

Never make predictions, especially about the future"
.....Casey Stengel quoted in New York Law Journal, 10/27/87 col. 1 page 1.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY--Tuesday

Is ignorance of the law an excuse?

"No presumption exists that all men know the law. The maxim "a man is presumed to know the law," is a trite, sententious saying, by no means universally true."
Municipal Metalilic Bed Mfg. Corp. v. Dobbs, 253 NY 313 at 317, 171 N.E. 76.

Remember to Vote

The Supremecourtjester reminds you to vote on Tuesday, November 6. And when you're in that booth do not reach your foot out to the guy in the booth next to you or you'll wind up on the Craig List.

We take no position on cross endorsement of judges by all the political parties or judges running unopposed--other than to say that it does cut down on the number of attack ads they have to run.

A poem for November

Here's a poem for this month now that it's getting cold:

November

by Thomas Hood

No sun--no moon!
No morn--no noon!
No dawn--no dusk--no proper time of day--
No sky--no earthly view--
No distance looking blue--

No road--no street--
No "t'other side the way"--
No end to any Row--
No indications where the Crescents go--

No top to any steeple--
No recognitions of familiar people--
No courtesies for showing 'em--
No knowing 'em!

No mail--no post--
No news from any foreign coast--
No park--no ring--no afternoon gentility--
No company--no nobility--

No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member--
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds,
November!

WORD FOR THE DAY

Today's word is ZOILISM. It means harsh and carping unjust criticism.

FOR NEW YORK CRIMINAL LAWYERS

Query: New York Labor Law Section 220 requires that municipal governments pay wages to those with whom it contracts at the "prevailing rates." When attorneys are contracted under Article 18-b of the County Law to represent indigent defendants, shouldn't they, too, receive the prevailing rates at which retained criminal defense counsel are compensated?

TAUTOLOGY OF THE DAY

"First come I. My name is Jowett.
There is no knowledge but I know it.
I am the Master of the College.
What I don't know isn't knowledge."

Quoted in Prof. Bruce Mazlish's "The railroad and the Space Program" (Cambridge, 1965) p. 34-35.

QUOTE FOR TODAY

"There are three ways of doing that. Unfortunately, nobody knows what they are."

INADVERTENT MESSAGE CHANGE

My T shirt shrunk, and now it delivers an inadvertent message that is quite different that it did when it was made.

SATURDAY EVENING POST(ING)

"THIS IS A MODEST PROPOSAL," JONATHAN SAID SWIFTLY

Shortly after the founding of Doctors without Borders, my friend Hy Aitus founded Lawyers Without Medical Coverage. He is concerned about the image of lawyers whose current favorability rating is lower than whale excrement, hovering just ahead of subprime mortgage lenders--the current betes noir [is that a politically incorrect term here--or in France?] of the media and target for stand up comedians. Steven Wright has observed that it's 99% of the lawyers who give the rest a bad image.
This drastic situation calls for a drastic solution. Therefore, Hy proposed to the Bar Association Grievance Committee that they conduct interrogations using CIA approved methods such as waterboarding, requiring the investigatee to hold Black's Law Dictionary at arm's length for hours, and the incessant and repetitive reading of the model jury instruction on apportionment of damages in a dry monotone until a subject lawyer cracks.
Some lawyers have opposed the proposal as an example of the assuming that the ends justify the means, pointing out that there should be some way of distinguishing lawyers from terrorists, if not in the eyes of the public (who are not as adept as we lawyers are at making subtle distinctions), at least in our own eyes. They have quoted to me this passage from the first act of A Man For All Seasons:
"What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get at the Devil?...And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned round on you--where would you hide, Roper, the laws being flat? Yes, I'd give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety's sake."
But Hy replied that old fashioned, pre-21st century thinking is outmoded in a world where the persistent threat to the image of lawyers continues. Even that famous civil libertine Alan Dershowitz has said in several newspaper articles that the government ought to be able to use torture under extraordinary circumstances. Hippocrates said "Extreme remedies are very appropriate for extreme diseases." So let's all be little Hippocrites, and support Hy's resolution.
Then Hy will be faced with the dilemma "At what age do you tell a resolution it's been adopted?"
o0o

STORES IN THE BILL OF RIGHTS PLAZA

This is the Bill of Rights Plaza in Eastchester, New York; so named because John Peter Zenger, famous Freedom of the Press proto-blogger, flamed an election nearby. In this mall there is a Dunkin Donuts and a newspaper/lotto store as New York law seemingly requires for strip malls. What stores should be in a shopping center named for the Bill of Rights? Here are some:

Will's Regulated Militia Gun Shop
Free Exercise Gym
Eastchester Free Press
Mountain Dew Processing Bottlers
Habeas Corpus Funeral Home
Freed Speech Therapists
Penumbra & Emanations Family Planning Clinic
Police Power Tools
Free Association Psychiatrists
E. Quill's Protection Alarm Co.
Sir Shawn's Seizure Medicine
Earl's Warrenburgers
Troup Harbor Bed & Breakfast (Foreigners unwelcome)
Les's Freedom Rings
Chechen Balance Scales

Recently evicted from the Bill of Rights Plaza:
Wright Tool/Die Co.
U.S. Patriot Acting Co.
Lee Thal's Injection Molding Co.
C.I. Ace's Waterboards & Surfboards
Eve's Drop Forge,
and Suitor's Home Savings and Loan , which has been replaced by M.N. Nance's Domain (Home Furnishings)


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TODAY'S RIDDLE

What can former presidential assistants and the turkey that is not pardoned by the Chief Executive before Thanksgiving put on their resumes?

ANSWER: "Served at the pleasure of the President of the United States."