HAPPY LABOR DAY 2008

Happy Labor Day!

The image at the right is a Knights of Labor Traveling Card from 1886 which is from my collection of labor history memorabilia. It can be greatly enlarged by double clicking on the image.

The traveling card identified the member of the Knights who went to another geographical area outside of the one in the Assembly (the equivalent of a union local today) to which he belonged to work. The engrossed raised seal in the lower left of this card (visible when you double click on the image) indicates this one was issued by a Danby, Vermont Assembly. The writing on it indicates it is good for three months.

"The Noble and Holy Order of the Knights of Labor was founded in 1869 as a secret fraternal order committed to the goal of uniting American labor. At its height in 1886, the Knights claimed the allegiance of perhaps one million workers. " it says here.

The Knights of Labor took on the trappings of a fraternal organization (Like the Knights of Columbus or the Knights of Pythias) because in many areas labor unions were considered to be combinations in restraint of trade and therefore barred by the anti-trust laws. These trappings included a secret handshake and secret initiation rituals. "

Terence Powderly, its most famous leader, realized that secrecy was a liability for the Knights, and at his urging, the order officially dropped much of its secret ritual on January 1, 1882. Some local groups, however, found the secret rituals meaningful and quietly continued practicing them." it says here.

A Post in Which We Solve the Nation's Energy Problem

The problem with the T. Boone Pickins solution to the nation's energy problems, windmills, is that there are not enough transmission lines to take the energy from the windmills to the power grid when the energy is generated. This blog's Science Editor, Dr. Livingston I. Presume, has now solved the transmission problem, working on it at his day job at Aamco.

Dr. Livingston has a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering from the Archimedes School of Applied Technology, which is named after the inventor of the Archimedes screw, and is affectionately known as "Screw U." A photo of their school tie accompanies this post.

The problem is that the energy generated by the windmills needs to be saved until there is less wind and the grid has less traffic--i.e., when times are slow. In scientific circles it is known as "the slow problem." Dr.Presume, and the Archimedes School archivist Dr. Phil A. Thesis, affectionately know as "Dusty," uncovered a little know work by the smarter younger brother of Sir Isaac Newton, Figuero "Isaac" Newton, also known as "Fig" Newton. Sir Isaac quoted Fig when he wrote his famous laws of motion. One of the illustrations in Sir Isaac's manuscript says "See Fig I."

Fig is believed to be one of the inspirations for the First Law of Motion, as he was frequently a body at rest. His undisturbed grave has proved the postulate that a body at rest tends to remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force.

Fig's monumental and entirely forgotten manuscript unearthed by Dr. Dusty Thesis is Tardiopedia, a work on the problems of slowness. Fig was always going to get around to publishing it, but he didn't want to rush it.

The solution to the problem is rubber bands. You could store energy when you wound up the propeller of a balsa wood flyer by holding your finger (ouch) in front of the wound up rubber band just before you flew that attack craft at the neighbor's panicked cat. Windmills should have a series of many rubber bands that they wind up, a device for holding them tight (to be called a "finger"), and then a a switch to release them one by one to spin the windmill and generate the power.

Dr. Presume notes that they are a renewable resource. You can renew your stash of rubber bands when they break by going to Staples or Office Max. (He says that's only a little joke--and he's right. It's very little.) Rubber trees, in the absence of global warming, are a renewable resource. If global warming continues apace, we will be able to grow rubber trees in the U.S., and will not be reliant on small time dictators in Rubber Band Republics.

O.K. America--problem solved.

Inherit the Windmills ?

A laid back three day end of summer no one does any labor day weekend....I'm tired of seeing T. Boone Pickins commercials where he tilts windmills at you. If we could harness all the wind of the Democratic and Republican conventions, we'd be able to light the country until election day. If Hurricane Gustav blows its 150 mile per hour winds at Boone's wind farm in Texas and spins those propellers fast enough, they could pick up Texas and fly it to North Dakota.... And speaking of commercials I've seen enough of, there's the Sprint commercial that's supposed to look like a mini-episode of Sex and the City, where after suitable sturm und drug the young lady announces shes thinks she's in love--with her telephone. Perhaps that's because she keeps it in her pocket and always has it set on vibrate.... Then the announcer in the Cubs/Phillies game who said the pitcher has set down twelve straight batters. How do you think they can be so sure of the ball players' sexual orientation?

Why Sarah Palin is A Good Choice

Sarah Palin was a surprise pick for Vice President who lulled us out of our preconceived notions--kinda of like the attack on Pearl Harbor. (Photo glommed from Wonkette where it was taken from somewhere else).

But the McCain campaign until now (See my Imaginary post: "The McCain Campaign from the Hanoi Hilton to Paris Hilton") has led us to believe that youth and inexperience were detriments and not assets.

McCain promised us a vice president that was not a celebrity (as least south of the Arctic Circle).

In Sarah Palin the Grand Until Now Old Party has an attractive candidate in several senses of the word. It does not hurt that she was a Beauty Queen, having been Miss Village of Less than 6,000 Inhabitants in 1984. After all, isn't winning a contest about your body the way the Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger got started? And she will make up for the times that John McCain is not exactly Miss Congeniality.

After having spent about three trillion years complaining that Barack Obama doesn't have enough experience to be a president, the McCain folks are now pointing out that Bill Clinton went from being a governor to being a president (For some inexplicable reason, they don't refer frequently to George Bush having no commander in chief chops in that same context). So Ms. Palin combines the most attractive aspects of Bill and Hillary Clinton, who have suddenly become Republican role models.

Gov. Palin favors drilling now, and lives in the one state in the union that could benefit from both the money it throws off and from global warming.

John McCain has frequently told us he has a plan to get Bin Laden, as I've posted before. Now he has revealed what it is. He'll send Palin, who is a renown moose hunter, to Pakistan and tell her that Bin Laden's actually Bullwinkle.

McCain wanted to attract younger female voters, and in Palin he'll connect with the young voters with five kids whose hobbies include ice fishing. {ASIDE: I went ice fishing once. I caught ten pounds of ice. I took it home and fried it up and nearly drowned. This is a joke attributed to Foster Brooks here.}

Palin will have time to tackle the onerous job of vice president--which apparently consists of hiding out at an undisclosed location, coming out to growl once in a while, having an avocation that permits you to shoot your friends if you mistake them for game birds or Islamic radical terrorists, and frustrating investigations of the current administration. Currently she runs the entire state of Alaska, helps her husband fish commercially, and takes care of five children, the youngest of which is five months old and still breastfeeding. She'll be able to add running for vice president without missing a beat.

By picking a person who has only been a governor for a year and a half, McCain has once again proven to be a maverick (i.e., a wild horse who defecates wherever he pleases and has a tenth of the brain capacity of a human). I for one am looking forward to his first pick for U.S. Supreme Court, and recommend my nephew who will be a year and a half out of law school by then.

Agent Two Double Oh Eight--Licensed to Sit.

The impoverished billionaires that own the Jets and the Giants are financing their new stadium in the Meadowlands in part by selling personal seat licenses (PSL). The Giants say over 90 percent of the upper level seats will have a $1,000 PSL. Less than 5,000 seats in the lower level will have a $20,000 PSL price. What a personal seat license does is entitle you to spend even more money actually purchasing tickets for the games. Although the teams will share the stadium the Jets' peddled license will not allow you to attend the Giants' games nor versa visa.

Just what a person seat license is, and the rights that accompany it have yet to be litigated (but you bet your ass personal seat someone is gonna.) The first one may be a Jets fan who wants some company to sponsor his seat license. In return he will wear their logos at the games, place their name on his seat, flog their products at his tailgate parties, give them the right of first refusal on the tickets he elects not to use, and give them the right of first refusal when he passes the seat license on to the successor tushy to occupy the costly seat. This is an ingenious way to get some corporation to front an expensive seat at games for him, except he Jets say he can't do it.

The PSL raises some fascinating legal questions. The first is whether the word "personal" modifies license (A license that is personal for a seat) or modifies "seat" and refers to the portion of your anatomy that will be occupying the chair that is bolted to the stands. Some favor the latter interpretation, because the chair itself would just be an impersonal seat.

This is the same inquiry a Canadian Court faced in the legendary and fictional case Regina v. Ojibway. In that case, reported here, the Ontario Supreme Court was faced with the question of whether the "Small" in the Ontario Small Birds Act of 1960 referred to small birds, or to a small act relating to birds, and chose the latter. (It did not reach the question of to what "long" in the Longshoreman's Act referred.) Having done so, Blue, J. was able to answer the question posed in the case ("Is a pony, fortuitously saddled with a feather pillow, a "small bird" within the meaning of the Ontario Small Birds Act?") in the positive; a pony being a small horse, and a bird being an animal with at least two legs and with feathers on it's back. [Take some time to read the case, which is very witty.]

However, we prescind from discussing the issue of what is modified by the word "personal," for reasons that are, well, personal.

A more intriguing legal issue is what rights are obtained by the purchase of a PSL. The rights specifically include the right to resell the license to others when its value increases--as indeed, that is one of the big attractions of the license. But the sellers cannot advertise that most attractive feature, for to do so would make the license a security, and come under the jurisdiction of the Securities and Exchange Commission. Only brokers would be able to buy and sell them, and then only when issuing prospectuses (Plural prospecti ?) containing red herrings. ((To our knowledge there is no sports franchise that calls its team "The Red Herrings.") But, isn't that exactly how the Franklin Mint advertises?

Personal seat licenses are sold on exchanges created for that very purpose. The first is Ebay, where you can buy pretty much anything that is not illegal, and some things that are if you're quick enough. Another place to buy or sell a PSL specializes in the sale of PSL-- Seasonticketrights.com.

The Dallas Cowboys, who are financing their new stadium by selling PSL, inter alia, have concluded that they are precluded from pitching them as investments. Some people buy PSL speculating that they will increase in value the University of Chicago law blog notes. It's their fault that the price of seat licenses is so high; just as it is their fault the price of petroleum products has gone through the roof. Speculators should be tarred and feathered and run out of town, except that the price of tar, a petroleum product, is too high, and once they are feathered the Ontario Small Birds Act of 1960 might protect them.

Proof That Penal Enhancement Works !

Do you remember those excruciatingly annoying commercials about an idiotically smiling Bob who now makes women happy because he has taken Enzyte for male enhancement? Did you ever wonder about those commercials--such as why his name wasn't Dick or Peter? Well it turns out it was Schmuck--because the pills didn't work, and the man behind the pill got 25 years in jail for perpatrating the fraud. Bob is not smiling much any more. The pills may not have worked as far as penile enhancement goes--but they sure did for penal enhancement!

That's a lot of time--but it's not nice to fool (with) Mother Nature. U.S. District Judge S. Arthur Spiegel sentenced Steve Warshak to 25 years in prison after he was convicted in February on 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering. The Wall Street Journal law blog reports "Judge Spiegel ordered the company, along with other defendants, to forfeit more than $500 million — a figure based on how much Warshak and the company took in." His 75-year-old mother, Harriet, was ordered to prison for two years. If you made penile enhancement pills, would you even tell your mom--let alone cut her in on the scam? One of the ingredients in Encyte was Epimedium Sagittatum extract - also known as Horny Goat Weed. It is a Chinese plant that supposedly to induce sexual stamina or promote sexual potency. If you doubt its efficacy, ask a goat near you. A list of the ingredients and their supposed effects are found in an analysis here.

We're not sure what Warshak did to encyte incite the Judge, but the claim to be the Charles Atlas of the regions south of the belt may be the cause. But the Encyte website, which is still up talks about male enhancement and then declares in type this size that needs some kind of enhancement just to read it:

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease

Based upon the thirteen counts of mail fraud you could call it mail enhancement--but you probably wouldn't.

Celestial Navigation and the Anti -Galileans

I got a GPS unit this month as a present, and consequently I take orders from it when driving. I call it Naggy Maggie, the Front Seat Driver--and I'm surprised that no one has thought of call a unit that. (Well, at least "Front Seat Driver.") Another good name for a GPS unit would the the "Roads Scholar."

It reminds me of of my career as a drill sergeant counting cadence for recruits: i.e., "You should have turned, left am I right?" "You're right."

Some people need these units because they are genetically incapable of reading maps. When I taught how to read map coordinates I told my basic training classes to read right first, and then up when given map coordinates; as in "Right up your azimuth, Drill Sergeant."

I don't know that the The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) recognizes the inability to read a map as a disorder yet. But I've got a better one for them. It's Chronological impairment. The Chronologically Impaired can never be on time because they just perceive time differently than you and I do. It maybe something like color blindness (the inability to perceive color). They cannot experience the passage of time the way you and I do. Or, perhaps, as this blog's Psychology Editor, Dr. Sigmund Fraude, suggests, it is part of a large disorder he describes as "Anti-Galilean Syndrome."

He posits that, unlike Galileo, these people believe that the Universe revolves around them. Time is just one other thing that must revolve around them--you and I are another. They will never use a GPS unit because they can never believe that they are not the center of the world to which all other things must come.

Reaping the Whirlwind and Defying the Conventional Thinking

On August 13th we blogged about a man who prayed for a deluge to engulf the Democratic convention's outdoor stadium rally for Barack Obama on Thursday night. Petty? Yes. Small minded and vindictive? Certainly. Many people of faith even believe that it is wrong to pray for the misfortune of others. But that particular Republican wanted people to pray for rain to disrupt a convention and impede its coverage.

Galatians 6:7 says “A man reaps what he sows,” and if you ask for rain you can reap a whirlwind.

We certainly wish no one harm. Not the Democrats nor the Republicans in their conventions gathered, nor, least of all, the people of New Orleans. They have have had more than their unfair share of visits from the Horsemen of the Apocalypse--Rain, Wind, and FEMA.

We report with regret that Hurricane Gustav has the potential to be a monster, and is headed in the general direction of New Orleans. If it strikes the Gulf Coast, it may do so at a time when it upstages the Republican convention news coverage from Minneapolis. Those who prayed for rain on the Democrats may reap what they sewed.

Attention Jigsaw puzzle lovers who read Aramaic!

Hey-- all you you housebound agoraphobics who love 20,000 piece jigsaw puzzles and can translate ancient Aramaic!

The Israeli government has a treat for you! The Dead Sea Scrolls, possibly the largest and oldest jigsaw puzzle in the known world ancient or modern will soon be put on line. Up until now people actually doubted that the Dead Sea Scrolls existed, because you couldn't find them on line. (If a tree falls in the forest, and it's not in Wikipedia or on Youtube did it actually happen?) But now their existence has been confirmed. For those of you who are used to scrolling up and down, however it may come as a shock to find you can't do that. They are not scrolls in the traditional sense, they are fragments, and perhaps the Dead Sea Confetti Pieces would be a more accurate description.

But if you brush up on your ancient Aramaic, ancient Hebrew without vowel indicators, and your Ancient Greek you can have hours of fun coming up with your own creative solution to the puzzle. You can put the puzzle pieces together in more interesting ways than the current scholars. You can locate previously unknown lore, answer questions and amaze your friends. For example: Where is baseball mentioned in the Bible? Answer: In Genesis 1:1 it says: "In the big Inning..."

Kids love puzzles, so now when Florida youngsters study the Bible in public schools they can consult the original text. Or, instead of just Easter eggs why not go on a treasure hunt to find buried treasure? "One of the most curious scrolls is the Copper Scroll. Discovered in Cave 3, this scroll records a list of 64 underground hiding places throughout the land of Israel. The deposits are to contain certain amounts of gold, silver, aromatics, and manuscripts. These are believed to be treasures from the Temple at Jerusalem, that were hidden away for safekeeping." it says here.

Rabbi Schmendrake the Mediocre, who was so impoverished as a youth he has always been known as "that poor scholar," has translated some of the pieces he arranged and discovered that they are from the long lost Jewish sex manual The Kabbalat Sutra.

The monks, the Essenes who hid the scrolls in the caves, took vows of silence, so much of the Aramaic is just, in Schmendrake's words, "kvetching."

From another scroll from a different cave he has scotch taped together a fragment he maintains is the story of Jonah, but told from the point of view of the whale.

Who's Courting the Underage Aliens of Another Species Demographic?

A Washington state woman registered her dog to vote as a protest about how easy it is to register anyone (anything?) to vote. The dog was described as part Australian sheepdog--making it a species alien to this country. She made no attempt to conceal what she was doing--and the paw print on the signature line of the voter's registration card should have been a tipoff to voter registration officials. But now, when the dog catcher stops dogs in Washington, he can ask not only for their license, but also for their registration.

Dogs are a demographic that neither party has specifically addressed. McCain's position on leash laws and Obama's on dog birth control (such as "no littering please" signs) are not well known to the canine community. Dogs have little interest in political ads on television because frankly, no matter how many there are, they all smell the same.

The voter dog is an Australian shepherd/ terrier mix of breeds. As such it might identify with Barack Obama who is a mixed race candidate with origins in the northern and southern hemispheres himself. On the other hand, the American Kennel club describes these breeds as "working dogs," so the dog may be in the demographic with which Obama does not seem to connect well.

The Obamas do not own a dog, but they have promised their girls they will get them one when the campaign is over--win or lose. John McCain owns many dogs and other pets, and refers the question of how many dogs he owns to his staff.

We know that dogs are man's best friend--which just don't know which man.

Apparently there were no laws that specifically forbid dogs from voting in Washington--and there have certainly been enough candidates described as dogs by their opponents. We don't know in which party the dog was registered, since it is neither a donkey nor an elephant. It could not be an independent, since it cannot go out without a leash. The possibility that the dog might run for president apparently threw a scare into one McCain supporter, who asked in this video "How do we beat the bitch?"

Illinois Court Rules Crotchety Old Grandpa Cannot Decide When Grandkids' Death Begins

Usually it isn't your grandfather who decides when you're declared dead. Sometimes doctors can declare that you're dead, sometimes courts decide when you're brain is dead, and sometimes the law will declare you civilly dead even if you're still uncivilly alive. A man who was once declared to be brain dead now reports he feels "pretty good."

So where does gramps' "You're dead to me" fit in this equation? There's an old joke about a Jewish son who tells his mother that he is marrying a Native American girl and changing his name to "Running Deer." She tells him that she, too, is changing her name to an Indian name--Sitting Shiva.

Some Orthodox Jews sit shiva for those relatives who marry outside their faith--just as if they had died. "Some Orthodox Jews (particularly the Haredi Jews, the most theologically conservative and traditional of Orthodox Jews) "sit shiva" when a relative marries outside of the tightly-knit ethnoreligious Jewish community or if the relative decides to stop practicing Judaism" it says in Wikipedia. (Not to be confused with the Hindu God of Destruction Shiva.)

We don't know if Max Feinberg was one of those Jews who would sit shiva for boychicks who wed shiksas, but we know he disapproved of it. So his will declared that if any of his grandchildren married non-Jews they would be declared to be dead for purposes of inheriting from him. The provision led to an almost foreseeable uncivil war of sibling fighting sibling. (The War Between the Estates? The War of Sibling Aggression?)

This was a clever ploy for the well off dentist (you kinda think some savvy $300 per hour scrivener had something to do with it, too) because as dead people they would not be able to challenge the provisions of his will requiring them to marry in the faith into which they were born. The court decision declaring this provision of his will to be void as being against the public policy of the State of Illinois is found here. It does not say whether he declared that a participant in such a marriage would be defined as predeceasing him, but many of us will drafters do say that when there are certain circumstances present that would make deciding who died first an expensive or difficult task, or when we want to avoid the tax consequences of having a large estate pour into a small one and be taxed twice at a higher rate.

The court said that restricting Mr. Feinberg's grandchildren to marrying within the faith of their (grand)fathers was against public policy because it was a restraint on marriage. Many of those who commented on the Chicago Tribune newspaper article on line about the case disagreed. The post generated a lot of outrage by on line commentors ,who thought that someone ought to be able to do with money as he pleased, and not have a court rewrite his will based on how if felt he should have acted. The dissent thought it a valid goal to attempt to preserve a religious heritage in the face of its destruction by assimilation. Maintaining your identity is crucial to minorities, as the dissenter (The only Jewish Judge on the panel?) noted. {Aside: A Jewish man walks into a bar and says to a man drinking there, "You Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor." The man replies, "I'm Chinese, not Japanese. The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor." The Jewish man says "Chinese. Japanese--it's all the same to me." The Chinese gentleman then says "You Jews sunk the Titanic." The Jewish guy says "The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. An iceberg sunk the Titanic." to which the other fellow retorts "Iceberg. Feinberg. It's all the same to me!" End of Aside}

Is this really a restraint on marriage? Feinberg's grandchildren are still free to marry whomever they want--they just can't do it and get granddad's gelt, too. The decision reports that four of his five grandchildren married outside their faith. If Zayde thought it was important to inculcate Jewish values in his bubbellahs, perhaps he should have done it in some way that encouraged them to believe it was important to them and their values rather than just his.

This is different than a situation in which one spouse dedicates his or her life to the other spouse's career, and when the careerist dies is forbidden to re-marry anyone in the deceased spouse's will. Grandchildren are not "due" anything from the grandfather, who was free to leave the money to a Jewish charity promoting marriage among Jews (such as the one that puts out the publication that illustrates this article).

If the sole grandson who married Jewish were to allege that Max believed as a matter of faith (i.e., because of rabbinical teachings) that those who married outside the religion were "dead to him," would the court be deciding a matter that violated Max's freedom of religion, and imposing their secular views on his religious ones?

The newspaper article reports that Max made his money while going to his dental office in a suit "seven days a week." What--no observing the Sabbath?

Perhaps the will's scrivener didn't have such a yiddisher kop after all. The mother of two of the children who the will declared to be dead is suing to have them declared dead. Why? The Chicago Tribune reports:

"The Taylors fired back by asking the court to invoke the Jewish clause, which would disinherit both grandchildren for not marrying Jews. By doing so, Taylor in essence was disinheriting two of her children because they, too, had married out of the faith.

As a mother, wasn't that a tough thing to do? "If I win, the money reverts to me," Taylor said. "I can do anything I want with it, including giving it to my children." " Doh!

A Travel Tip for Olympic Tourists--Free Flight Home

Here's a travel tip for those of you who went to the Olympics and spent so much money you can't afford a ticket home. Just write "Free Tibet" on a T shirt and stand somewhere in public, and the government of China will send you home free!

MSN keeps sending me emails about Free Hotmail. I didn't even know Hotmail was part of China!

Kristol Clear, i.e., Opaque.

In his column in today's New York Times, William Kristol, the comic relief on the editorial page, argues that John Sidney McCain III ought to chose as his running mate Joseph Lieberman. The column is entitled "A Joe of His Own," and we don't know if it was intended to suggest the more comic "A John of His Own," a double entendre from the Kennedy era. William Kristol is a poor substitute for Billy Crystal, it seems, and his suggestion is poor satire and worse politics, in other words, it's an example of Kristol's impeccable logic.

The brilliant suggestion that McCain select a man that is despised by Democrats and Republicans alike in order to attract Independents ignores the fact that Joe Lieberman is the one of the few persons to have proved he could not be elected Vice President.

Kristol argues that this would prove that McCain is a maverick. A maverick is a horse (of course, of course). And while it might not prove that McCain is a whole horse, it could just prove that he is the southern end of a north bound one.

Citius, Altius, Fortius, Non Compos Mentis

Former Hurricane Fay does not share the motto of the Olympics ("Faster, Higher, Stronger"), and has been downgraded first to a tropical storm and now to a tropical depression. After that it may be further depleted and become a tropical recession and then a tropical stagnation.
. . .

The Five Ring Circus that is the Olympics is now over, reports our Sports & Politics Editors, the Torriale twins-- Eddie Torriale and Terri Torriale. They have not been able to make any money selling their special brand of French bottled water for protesters--Eau Contraire, because the Chinese government has issued no permits to protesters--telling them to come back next month and see if their permits are ready then. (In Hell, the Torriales remind us, procedural due process will be strictly observed--often at the cost of substantive due process).

Although the Chinese have failed to free Tibet, they have managed to emancipate a lot of copyrighted materials from the bonds that fettered them--mostly movies on CD's. So it was that the Chinese were aware that in the movie version of "My Fair Lady" Marnie Nixon pretended to be be Audrey Hepburn singing, who pretended to be Liza Doolittle. This may have been the inspiration for the voice behind that cute 7 year old who lip synced the Chinese national anthem and then won a gold on the balance beam.

The medal count (which is not the name of a character on Sesame Street or spelled differently in some violent video game) is completed, and the Chinese have won more gold, but the US won ten more medals. But Olympic medals are like primary election results--it all depends on how you chose to spin the count. The Chinese won twenty more gold medals, but the Americans pointed out the U.S. won far more actual physical gold and other medals, because they prevailed in more team sports like basketball, volleyball, softball and baseball where all the team members are awarded medals. Counting the way the Chinese do, by sport, is like counting electoral votes, or tallying totals under rules established by the Florida or Ohio Secretaries of State.

Since there are many more Chinese than Americans, the U.S. total per capita is much higher. Iceland won a team handball silver medal, and with a population of 300,000 (roughly the size of Dayton, Ohio--but without Dayton's charisma) that volcanic island may have the most medals per capita. Or it just could be Jamaica that wins that "per head"prize--and by per head we don't mean the ganja addicted.

The U.S. team included 33 free agents--Americans who were born in other countries but came to the melting pot for that pot of gold medals at the end of the Olympic rainbow (Help! This metaphor is getting away!). Only Lou Dobbs wants to send them all back.

Something Fishy: Criminal Impersonation of a Crab

Does a bill fold? Can you tune a fish?" Bruce Willis inquired on the TV show "Moonlighting." The latter inquiry became a science project of two New York students at Trinity high school who compared the DNA of sushi samples purchased at restaurants and supermarkets with known DNA samples and found that there was some criminal impersonation of tuna fish going on.

Well, some days you're on a roll--others on a bed of compressed rice.

"Sushi" is Japanese for "two inches of raw aquarium dweller for which gaijin will pay exorbitantly."

The news that some high end brand fish were really flea market competitors in disguise was headlined in the New York Times, and the story reported as follows:

"They [the two girls] found that one-fourth of the fish samples with identifiable DNA were mislabeled. A piece of sushi sold as the luxury treat white tuna turned out to be Mozambique tilapia, a much cheaper fish that is often raised by farming. Roe supposedly from flying fish was actually from smelt. Seven of nine samples that were called red snapper were mislabeled, and they turned out to be anything from Atlantic cod to Acadian redfish, an endangered species.

. . . Eugene Wong, works on the Fish Barcode of Life (dubbed, inevitably, Fish-BOL) and agreed to do the genetic analysis. He compared the teenagers’ samples with the global library of 30,562 bar codes representing nearly 5,500 fish species.

The results of Ms. Strauss and Ms. Stoeckle’s research are being published in Pacific Fishing magazine, a publication for commercial fishermen. The sample size is too small to serve as an indictment of all New York fishmongers and restaurateurs, but the results are unlikely to be a mere statistical fluke."

This story will soon be ripped from the 16 point headlines for "Law & Order: Junior Crime Stoppers Division." The episode "Bait and Switch and Switchn' Bait" will feature the murder of a famous Sushi Chief (Played by Sue Xhi) during a civil lawsuit --Roe v. Bait.

The teenagers did not get a grade on the project, but like everything that a teenager does during her waking moments, it gets a mention on college applications. As a science project it beats the old baking soda volcano. The closest proposed competitor by an unnamed team was to determine if the sperm of Michael Phelps does the 100 millimeter backstroke faster than that of his nearest competitors, but that was nixed for reasons of propriety. The sushi project just seemed more appropriate because, as a father of one of the girls noted, it involved shopping and eating--two areas with which the girls were conversant. Besides, when you think of groups of fish, you think of schools.

Winner of the Veep Stakes

Sources close to being far from Presidential candidate Barack Obama (who are just Biden their time) report to Supremecourtjester's political editor, Unhealthy Skeptic, that Obama has chosen to announce his vice presidential pick in Springfield because it is the home of his choice, Homer Simpson.

Simpson fits the demographic of the voter that Obama needs to attract--beer swilling, unregistered blue collar workers of limited intelligence who vote with their (large) gut, rather than in their own self interest. Another positive for Simpson is that he is described as "really animated." Negatives for Simpson include the fact he is often seen on TV choking his son Bart, which might be a turn off for female voters, who wouldn't vote for Obama anyway because DNA tests have recently revealed that he is not Hillary Clinton.

This is a bold move for the Democrats who have never fielded a ticket of a mixed race candidate and a fictional one. However, it was pointed out by some that a fictional personae did not stop voters from electing Ronald Regan or Bill Clinton.

It was thought by some that the frontrunner for veep was Joe Biden because he added some gravitas to the ticket. The word "gravitas," which is spelled with only one "s" on the end by most writers and not as "gravitass") loosely translates as "been on the public payroll ( "gravy train" ) for ages," and is from the Latin which literally meant "Makes its own gravity." "Gravity" is from the Greek for "force that keeps us all down."

News from the Republican camp is that John McCain recently had his annual physical and was pronounced by his old family doctor as "fit as a fiddle." A young intern forgot to run the press release through spell check, however, and a typo reported that he was "fit as a Fidel." That unfortunate error caused many to compare McCain to Fidel Castro, who is currently dying of old age.

Summer's Day=Thee ?

It was Shakespeare who wrote: "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? A load of hay? A cheese souffle?" or something like that.

So, shall I compare thee? A summer's day is hot and sticky, with afternoon deluges accompanied by strong winds, thunder and lightening.

It was the philosopher/king Nat "Philosopher King" Cole who sang about "Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer." So shall I compare thee to those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer ?

I think I'd better not.

When Infallible Just Ain't Good Enough

From Spain (and NPR) comes news that a group claiming to be the descendants (actual? honorary? spiritual?) of the Knights Templar have sued the Pope in an attempt to reclaim the land and treasures that they lost when members of the order were declared to be heretics, and their leader was burned at the stake. (Many people prefer just to pay a fine.) They're seeking about $ 150 billion (which is approximately 93 Euros).
"A group called the Association of the Sovereign Order of the Temple of Christ has filed suit in a Spanish court, asking for an apology from the pope and recognition that land and property worth about $150 billion today was seized from the Templars."

Pope Clement V disbanded the order in 1307 for allegedly denying Christ, worshiping the Devil and committing sodomy--the Big Three back then (before Lawrence v. Texas made sex betewen consulting males legal). The "descendants" now, post-Lawrence v. Texas, claim to have newly discovered evidence, and want to open up the record.

One group of self declared Templars say on their website (what? You doubted they'd have a website?) that they are recognized the the United Nations:

"Our official name is Ordo Supremus Militaris Templi Hierosolymitani, Latin for “The Sovereign Military Order of the Temple of Jerusalem”, and often shortened to the initials OSMTH or SMOTJ. Our Order was founded on the principles first adopted by the original Templar Knights in France in the Year 1118 and carried out in those early days from their home in the Temple of Solomon in the Holy City of Jerusalem, provided for them by then King of Jerusalem Baldwin, the Second. In these modern times, OSMTH is international in nature with members from over 40 nations, ecumenical Christian in our religious beliefs welcoming Members of all Christian religions, and focused on matters of human rights, political and religious freedom, and humanitarian aid to the world's less fortunate. We are officially recognized by the United Nations in Special Consultative Status and furnish OSMTH Official Delegations to the United Nations in New York City, Vienna, and Geneva." (There is no indication at the website whether they follow the Templar rules reprinted below, and sleep with the light on, only glance at women, or stable their horses in mosques.)

If you want to join the British branch (and get the neat membership card that accompanies this post, and your own membership certificate, tie, sword, etc. at their shop on line) check it out here.

The Vatican will never reimburse the group, it says, because its members cannot prove that they are descendants of the Knights Templar.

It may be difficult for these descendants from the monks/knights founded by a Knight of Champagne to liberate the Holy Land (Clement V is not the only one who has regretted a night of Champagne) since the Templars took a vow of chastity. Their rules were:

1. They could not look lasciviously at women. They could only look long enough for identification.
2. They slept in lighted dormitories.
3. They wore their breeches tight when sleeping.
4. They kept their doors unlocked.
5. Individual letters to the Templars were read aloud in the company of the Master as a form of censure. Most often, the master himself could not read (it says here.)
   

Why have the faux Templars sued Pope Benedict XVI (A German) since it was Pope Clement V, a Frenchman) who did them in?

What will they do about the statute of limitations? Is it greater than 700 years? Can the Pope plead the defense of Infallibility? Shouldn't they be suing the creators of Indiana Jones and The Da Vinci Code who made a lot of bucks using the Templars as a plot device?

When you sue the Pope does Canon Law apply? If they win, are all the victims of the Inquisition waiting in the wings? Are the Muslims who are descendants of the defenders of Jerusalem going to sue the Templars for all the death and destruction they caused? Will the Ayatollah issue a fatwah on the Templars who stabled their horses in the Al Aksa Mosque?

I'm looking forward to the depositions. Do you suppose they'll depose the Pope?

John McCain Promises to go to Hell

Searching for Mr. Wrong Dept.:

Appearing in the Megachurch Inquisition we blogged about yesterday, John Mc Cain said "If I'm President of the United States, my friends, if I have to follow him to the Gates of Hell, I will get Osama Bin Laden and bring him to justice. I will do that and I know how to do that. I will get that done." (This implies, of course, that George Bush does not know--and I'd like don't know why McCain has withheld this vital information from Homeland Security!).

But that show, "Johnny Get Your Gun" is one he's promised to take on the road before (in May of 2007, then again in New Hampshire in October of 2007 in January of 2008, several times,, on Larry King (Who' s Almost) Live in July of this year; and you can see any number of Youtube videos of him making the offer. So, nu, why hasn't he gone to Hell yet?

Perhaps it's his unfamiliarity with the internet--he just hasn't gotten the hang of Mapquest yet, and still needs directions to the Gates of Hell.

The Gates of Hell are a famous sculpture by August Rodin, but this August if Two Gun John wants to go there, he'll have to travel to Paris. The plaster original of the sculpture was restored in 1917 and is displayed at the Musée d'Orsay in Paris; and no one wants to got to Paris in August because the native Parisians are all on vacation so the service is lousy. There is no indication Bin Laden is summering on the left bank, but given the intelligence reports the Bush administration had about weapons of mass destruction maybe some reliable Iraqi defector has reported seeing him there.

Perhaps the reference is to Sec. of Defense Robert Gates, who reported in this press conference that he, too, is looking for Bin Laden--but he's been looking in Pakistan. The Commander in Chief vowed in the days that followed September 11, 2001 (now coming up on seven years ago) that he'd catch Bin Laden, too. When he couldn't capture Bin Laden, Bush declared it was no longer a top priority . Things that you can't accomplish have a way of migrating to the bottom of the "To do" list.

Like O.J. Simpson, doggedly pursuing his wife Nicole's killer by scouring every golf course in Florida, the Commander in Chief has done a lot of looking for Bin Laden in Crawford, Texas, which just may be some people's idea of Hell. It reminds me of the drunk looking for the keys to his home late one night under a street light. A policeman asked him "Where was the last place you saw them?" The intoxicated fellow said "Across the street." "Well," asked the patrolman, "Why are you looking over here?" The reply came "Because over here the light is better."

When we were kids and someone bragged he'd "get" us, we used to reply with false bravado "Yeah, you and what army?" Since our army and those of Pakistan, Britain, Australia, the Netherlands, Georgia and other allies in the War on Terror haven't been able to get Bin Laden, this blog must ask Rambo McCain the same question.

What is the Sound of One Koan of Silence, the Inquisition Wants to Know.

Wikipedia is the repository of all knowledge in the Universe (whether it is correct or not; somewhat akin to Master Benjamin Jowett of Balliol College, Oxford in the rhyme "First come I, My name is Jowett. There is no knowledge but I know it. I am the master of the College. What I don't know isn't knowledge.")

Wikipedia defines "Koan" in part: "Kōan is a Japanese rendering of the Chinese term (公案), transliterated kung-an (Wade-Giles) or gōng'àn (Pinyin). Chung Feng Ming Pen (中峰明本 1263-1323) wrote that kung-an is an abbreviation for kung-fu an-tu (公府之案牘, Pinyin gōngfǔ zhī àndú, pronounced in Japanese as ko-fu no an-toku), which referred to a "public record" or the "case records of a public law court" in Tang-dynasty China. Kōan/kung-an thus serves as a metaphor for principles of reality that go beyond the private opinion of one person. A teacher's test also resembles the judgment of a student's ability to recognize and actualize that principle.

Mega Reverend Rick Warren imposed koans of silence (plural kohanim?) (would "koan of silence" be an oxymoron---like the famous koan the sound of one hand clapping?) on the two presidential contenders. In Warren's den (is that a redundancy?), to demonstrate complete neutrality the pastor wore an open neck shirt--proving had no ties. The use of the word "contenders" reminded me that I, in the words of Marlon Brando's palooka in "On the Waterfront," "coulda been a contender."

If I had been a presidential contender what would I have answered Rev. Rick on his
TV special? Would I answer questions about my faith, despite the First Amendment separation of church and state? Was the original intent of the founding fathers that candidates face the Torquemadas of the Megachurch Inquisition on issues of what they believe? The Constitution posits separation of church and state (but doesn't mention it in so many words), but not of mega church and mega state, after all.

Well, there was that question "When does life begin? " I believe I would have answered "In the Pre-Cambrian Age about 1.2 billion years ago," but I'm surmising that would not go over well with the Fundamentalists in the audience who think that evolution is a hoax, that cavemen rode dinosaurs, and that "The Flintstones" was a documentary.

Then there was the question about which Justices of the Supreme Court would you not have appointed? I would have rejected Bushrod Washington, a nepotistic pick of George Washington's nephew. George freed his slaves in his will but Bushrod, the executor, thought it more prudent not to do that. And then there's Samuel Chase (also known as "Old Bacon Face" ) who once charged a grand jury that not paying one's taxes is treason and, therefor, a capital offense. He was a member of the Continental Congress who used inside information to try tried to corner the flour market, and, as a state judge in Maryland, was impeached but not removed. Oh, and Roger B. Taney, author of the Dred Scott decision is someone else I would have benched from my bench.

And then there was the question about what to do about confronting evil. Is it necessary? Didn't he die last November without ever getting over the Snake Canyon?

No wonder I'm not a contender.

What's Your State's Official Side Dish?

The legislators of the State of Kentucky have run out of the big issues on which to exercise their collective wisdom--and so are considering naming Kentucky Fried Chicken as the Official picnic food of the State of Kentucky. [Someone ordered the The O'beast size bucket to go in the photo above]

(The Bill:
"Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Kentucky:

SECTION 1. A NEW SECTION OF KRS CHAPTER 2 IS CREATED TO READ AS FOLLOWS:

Original Recipe Kentucky Fried Chicken is designated the official picnic food of Kentucky."

You're aunt's potato salad didn't have a chance--she hired no lobbyists for goodness sake! The official picnic food?? When they're finished passing criminal laws, the legislators must be busy passing the coleslaw!

There is no news yet what the official side dish will be. It's a three way race between french fries, mashed potatoes and biscuits with gravy--and since this is a close, hotly contested issue upon which people are more passionate than, say, whether Kentucky should ban handguns in schools or what the offical snack food of Kentucky should be--the Solons of the Blue Grass State are reluctant to take a position without seeing the polling results first.

I, for one cannot figure out how this could happen. {But then I cannot figure out how Michael Phelps won eight gold medals, either. They give chromosome tests to the women to make sure that they're female--did they check to make sure Phelps isn't part fish? I digress.} How can a state that has it's capitol in Frankfort not make the official state picnic food the frankfurter?

When you go on that picnic you may encounter the official state flower of Kentucky--which is golden rod. Gesundheit! The official state bird is the cardinal--but apparently it doesn't taste as good deep fried or extra crispy. (The offical state bird of New York is not the raised middle finger, the digitus impudicus.)

The fanatical Vegetarian wing of PETA has protested the designation of a bird as official food--preferring that soy burgers be charcoaled on picnics. The Lacto-Ovarian Liberation Front most likely has not consulted the preferences of the primary beneficiaries of pic-a-nic lunches--the ants (not to mention Yogi Bear) to see if they prefer chicken to bean curd.

The naming of this picnic food no doubt was motivated by the successor to Col. Harland Sanders, a failed lawyer who was named an honorary Kentucky Colonel by Kentucky Governor Ruby Laffon who also made several Hollywood stars honorary colonels including Mae West (Insert your own chicken breast joke here!) There is no truth to the rumor that Sanders' will specified that 10% of KFC's profits be given to the Ku Klux Klan it says here (Do not insert your own white meat only joke here.) The KFC restaurant chain is now owned by Louisville based Yum! Foods, which also owns Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and Long John Silver's restaurants worldwide, and A&W Restaurants everywhere but Canada. No doubt Kentucky plans to make Root Beer the official picnic beverage soon.

Notorious Public

Yesterday Darren Miller was arrested for running a chop shop (dismantling cars without a license), and an illegal toxic dump according to the New York Times article here. The DA even held a press conference about the arrest. Miller has not (yet) hired the supremecourtjester to defend him, but I've got his defense when he needs it.

Mr. Miller is not unknown to the City of New York. He's been squatting on their property for years. No, not the kind of squatting where you wipe afterwards, like the the writer who got arrest for doing just that, resulting in the headline in the newspaper "Author Voids Where Prohibited by Law." It seems Miller's fenced in a hunk of vacant land that the city, state and a private developer owned that was intended for a project. They had taken it by eminent domain but their exercise of that domain has been anything but imminent. As A.P. Herbert said in Uncommon Law, p. 200 (1969, Methuen Ltd.) " Nullum tempus occurrit regi." "Time is no object to a government department."

For one thing all those environmental impact studies have to measure what would happen to the environment if you actually built something. If the first man who discovered the usefulness of fire had to file an environmental impact statement to get approval to use it, we'd all still be eating our food raw. But I digress.

So Mr. Miller threw a fence around the parcel of land (which is worth about $200 million) because, hey, it was just sitting there unused and he had a higher use for it--a parking lot and a dump. Now he says the parcel is his by the doctrine of adverse possession.

To establish a claim of adverse possession the following five elements must be proved: Possession must be (1) hostile and under claim of right; (2) actual; (3) open and notorious; (4) exclusive; and (5) continuous for the required period (Belotti v Bickhardt, 228 NY 296, 302 [1920]; see also Van Valkenburgh v Lutz, 304 NY 95, 99 [1952]; Spiegel v Ferraro, 73 NY2d 622, 624 [1989]; Ray v Beacon Hudson Mtn. Corp., 88 NY2d at 159). The required period is at least 10 years.

The city disagrees and says lands held by a municipality in its governmental capacity may not be lost by adverse possession (see, City of New York v Wilson & Co., 278 NY 86; Casini v Sea Gate Assn., 262 AD2d 593; Matter of City of New York [Mileau Corp.], 72 AD2d 745). Sarnelli Bros. v. City of New York, 280 AD 2d 513.

So what is my defense in the criminal action? It's the D.A'.s press conference. In order to establish adverse possession Mr. Miller had to be notorious!

Bush and MCain and Pray for Rain...

The obscure reference to the the old Boston Braves saying in 1946 "Spahn and Sain and pray for rain" was brought to mind when a recent right wing video asked fundamentalists to pray for rain when Barack Obama gives his acceptance speech outdoors in Denver at Invesco Field at Mile High Stadium.
The video itself issued by Focus on the Family Action can no longer be accessed on youtube or their website, so your chance of focusing on it there are nil. But The video can be viewed at this website. (You're welcome.)

The video called for a torrent, a deluge, a monsoon. I suppose the Biblical reference was to Noah and the flood when the world was destroyed for wickedness. And we know how well The Bush Administration's FEEBLE FEMA will react to a city that's flooded.

I'm surprised this group hasn't been suspicious of a Democratic Convention at a place called "Mile High," but perhaps they're saving that for later.

It seems that the people most offended by the ad were the people who were paying for it who apparently have better things to pray for than rain so powerful it disrupts their satellite TV reception.

The vidiotographers who composed this bit of alleged drollery have never heard of rain delays or tarps on the infield evidently. And to hire a shaman to conduct a rain dance would, of course, be to acknowledge that people pray to other Gods --of Whom they disapprove. They also forgot that president is a federal office, and that neither rain nor sleet nor gloom of night will prevent, etc. They should have called for frogs, locusts, lice and the killing of all the firstborn males of attendees instead. Maybe that's for next week.

Home: A Loan?

Theodore John Still Crazy After All These Years Kaczynski lived in a little cabin in the woods that he built with his own hands in the years before the housing boom when he could get a $200,000 subprime loan on it even while listing his job on the application as "unabomber." So where is his home now?

It's in a Washington D.C. newseum--a museum of news. The home's a loan (See caption of this post) from the FBI. What--you've never heard of a home loan?

The Unabomber is hot about it (cabin fever?) he says here. He claims that the cabin (See the photo accompanying this post) which is on display could upset the families of his victims

If he had thought about their feelings before he mailed explosives this would not have been a problem for him or the courts. Montana cabins are advertised as stress free retreats--so why do they feel it necessary to retreat to D.C.?

Since when can the FBI seize your house ? One of the most forceful expressions of the limits on police power was that of William Pitt in Parliament in 1763: "The poorest man may in his cottage bid defiance to all the force of the crown. It may be frail—its roof may shake—the wind may blow through it—the storm may enter, the rain may enter—but the King of England cannot enter—all his force dares not cross the threshold of the ruined tenement." But the FBI thinks they can take it with them!

Mets Collapse will be a little Earlier this Year

Do the Mets still need a slogan for 2008? How about this: " New York Mets--No Relief in Sight!"

Putting the"Court" back in Courting...the "Old Ball and Chain" Becomes the New Ball and Chain!

What is the longest sentence a judge can pronounce on a man ?

Give up ? It's "I now pronounce you man and wife." That's a sentence with no time off for good behavior. Even that sentence wasn't long enough for local police in Batavia, New York, who wound up arresting a groom for getting too close to his bride! The person presiding at the wedding (not a judge, we gather) was not authorized to say "You may now kiss the bride."

Why? Because when Timothy Cole reconciled with his ex-wife and remarried her, there was still an outstanding order of protection prohibiting him from getting within lip locking distance, let alone coming near her with a knife with which to to cut the cake. For some ex spouses to remarry is just a crime, and in this case it was a felony.

When a fight broke out at the wedding and the police were called, they knew Cole as a repeat customer who had accumulated many frequent flier miles with them. A computer check revealed that an order of protection was still outstanding, so the groom spent his wedding night in the local hoosegow sans the bride. The couple who had recently been joined the local gendarmes swiftly put asunder. Their wedding photo album will have a mug shot of the groom in it. (The Supremecourtjester's suggested defense for him: He thought an "order of protection" for a domestic dispute meant that he was required to wear a condom!)


In July Cole had been charged with violating the same order which now prohibits him from consummating the marriage until July 1, 2011, if he's out of jail for getting married by then. I guess the order of protection rules out conjugal visits that some married prisoners get. It goes to illustrate the old saying that marriages are made in heaven--the same place they make thunder and lightning.

GEORGIA ON MY MIND.....

Back from a long weekend in Cleveland...

I find that there's a war between Georgia and Russia, or, as the Georgians call it, The War of Northern Aggression. Since Georgia has mutual defense treaties with Florida and Alabama, this has the potential to become a World War.

Wars used to stop when the Olympics were taking place. Whatever happened to tradition?

If you're going to go marching or motoring through Georgia, and you come in tanks, what kind of tanks would you use? Sherman tanks off course, if you plan on burning Atlanta.

Mr. & Ms. Celaneus--a Bumper Crop of News...

Notes from here and there you may have missed in the Dog Days (Chihuahua? Pit Bull? Shar pei?) of August....

Bruce Ivans, the biologist now suspected of having conducted germ warfare through the mail was given the highest civilian honor by the defense department in 2003. It's the Exceptional Civilian Service Award and we assume it was not for his service in the War on Tabloid muckrakers. Still no motive for his actions? Just a coincidence I guess that "Ivins is listed as a co-inventor on two patents for a genetically engineered anthrax vaccine, federal records show. Separately, Ivins also is listed as a co-inventor on an application to patent an additive for various biodefense vaccines." the LA Times reports......

Taliban militants in Afghanistan use profits from opium poppy cultivation to buy weapons and explosives. A recent United Nations report estimated insurgents reap as much as $100 million in profits from trade in illegal narcotics and exports from Afghanistan account almost 90 per cent of the world's heroin. So why is David Ortiz called Big Poppi? Why is George Bush Père "Poppy" Bush? Do they have an Afghani Connection?

Recently loan sharks were spotted circling off the coast of Florida, so the swimmers on the beach were alerted. These most primitive of dangerous aquatic creditors predators, loan sharks, often prey on the weak of the species (like subprime mortgagors.) Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the Six For Five on Friday Savings and Loan...

Today the Green Bay Packers will carry on without fear or Favre...

You're probably tired of hearing how old people get in accidents when they drive in Florida, so the picture of the Straight Talk Express turning (where else?) to the right, and crashing into a parked vehicle in Miami that accompanies this post is old news.






The Obama bumper sticker (see photo) that someone slapped onto it in the ensuing exchange of license and registration isn't. No word yet if the nonogenarian McCain was driving, but there is word that Joe Lieberman was on board. Nu, it is Miami, after all. There is a rumor that Lieberman may be charged with driving under the Influence of the Republican Party.

Cindy McCain: Chip Off the Old Buffalo ?

Yesterday in Sturgis, South Dakota John McCain suggested (in this video) that his wife take part in a beauty contest that often involves topless contestants--Miss Buffalo Chip!

That makes him the latest would be contestant for a potential cable TV reality series "Pimp My Wife." He was, perhaps, unaware what the swimsuit contest involved (or didn't involve). Perhaps his excellent advance men did not explain to him the definition of "buffalo chip." "A buffalo chip, also called a meadow muffin, is the name for a large, flat, dried piece of dung deposited by the buffalo from the large amount of grass that it eats. ..." is a defintion found here.

It is not every man who would nominate his wife to be Miss Cow Pie of 2008. Could you see Barack Obama nominating Michelle for Miss South Dakota Piece of Excrement and living to tell about it? Is this a generational thing--John McCain believing that the suggestion his wife partake of a beauty pageant is a compliment, and Barack Obama's generation believing bikini beauty contests are sexist parades demeaning to women?

Perhaps candidate Paris Hilton (see yesterday's post) would be in favor of the contest--having appeared in the traditional costume for this contest in her campaign video. And when she goes on MTV when they ask boxers or briefs we know that the answer is "none of the above."

The NEXT Time You See Paris......Here!

Paris Hilton strikes back. It seems her campaign for president (Candidate of The Totally Cool All Night Party?--the only party where BYOB means bring your own blow) has responded to the attack from John McCain (referred to in the response as " White Haired Dude"). Her video, which includes her energy policy, can be found here.

Since she does the whole ad in a hot revealing bathing suit on a lounge chair, it doesn't seem she got a lot of energy--but maybe she's just practicing energy conservation (an advocate of the "The Simple Life"?). She's looking for a hot VP--which, someone has to tell her, does not mean President of Vice. Frankly, I didn't know Paris was over 35, but I guess that's what a health plan with unlimited plastic surgery can do for you, America. It's not Universal Health care that she favors, because let the Martians and the Venusians and Vulcans pay for their own health care.

What a great candidate! When they dig into her past what will they come up with we haven't seen already (if by "we" I mean those who are over 18 yers of age)? We already know she's been to jail--but so has Nelson Mandela--and Debs ran for president from jail. Our current president was arrested for Driving under the Influence (the record is here) so she is following (too closely) in his footprints tire tracks. We know she's got nothing to hide revealed to the public more than any other candidates, and has let it all hang out!

America loves celebrities as its leaders-- The Gubernator, the Gipper, the Grappler, and so on. If they can be elected as governors without any background other than being famous and rich, why not Paris? If Barack Obama can become the most famous person in the world because he's got no experience and no one knows anything about him, why can't Paris who was born famous? If she continues to make campaign videos with almost enough clothes to cover her strategic areas, she'll outdraw the Dems and GOPers ads very quickly.

And which other presidential candidate already has his or her own fragrance? When her campaign speeches stink--it's fragrant!



And unlike the other candidates, she was born in the US of A in North America in one of the original 13 states (New York).

She's had a New York Times best seller,
and she's the star of movies, TV, print, the internet, and the butt of countless jokes. And unlike McCain and and Obama she's got a GED!

As the post below points out, John McCain believes she is comparable to an Old Testament prophet.

And for all of those who ask "what is this country coming to?" she'd be the perfect answer.

McCain: Paris Hilton = Moses !

The latest McCain video is out and it compares Barack Obama to Moses. Since the last one said he was Paris Hilton, does that mean Obama=Paris Hilton=Moses?

So is this playing the race card again? Is McCain trying to make Obama look Semitic--if he can't make him a Muslim? The same commercial complains that Obama talks eloquently--yet Moses supposedly stuttered and had to have his brother Aaron speak to Pharaoh for him. The McCain fact checkers better brush up on their Exodus.

Do the facts ring true? It's McCain and not Obama who, like Moses, has taken his direction from an instructing Bush for eight years--leading us to wander in the desert of Iraq. Is it McCain's theory that Obama has freed/will free the slaves ? If there is another hurricane like Katrina, can Obama order the waters over New Orleans to recede as if he were Charlton Heston?

Local Fire results in Bad Pun

According to the blog of the local paper

, in an article here, a fire at a mall in Eastchester has caused the closing of the local *$$ coffee joint and a Borders Books and Music store. Too bad. On weekends I enjoy putting on a pair of khakis, and checking out the new arrivals on the fiction and non-fiction tables. This weekend it will just have to be Dockers without Borders.

House of Representatives Remains in the Dark

The House of Representatives has prorogued. For those of you who are anti-rogue--too bad.

Speaker Pelosi has said, in the words of Othello "Put out the light, and then put out the light." No doubt an energy saving measure and wholly appropriate for a government almost ten trillion bucks in the hole.

{ASIDE: Do you think the government accountants will need to order new balance sheets with fifteen places for figures to be entered when the ten trillion mark is hit?}

But have the Republicans left? No, they remain in the darkened house (see photo) even though Elvis has left the building. Why? Do they fear that if they leave they won't be permitted to return? Do they think that if the House passed a bill allowing off shore drilling sometime in the almost foreseeable future, the lights would come back on like Tinker Belle in Peter Pan? If only the tourists in T-Shirts and flip-flops in the gallery will say that they believe in the fairy tale that off shore drilling in seven years will reduce gasoline prices tomorrow the lights will come back on and gas will be a buck and a quarter a gallon? You Tink ?

Would they rather curse the darkness than light an alternative energy bill without offshore drilling?

Latest news is that they've order out pizza, and apparently plan to have a pajama party. Perhaps they can rent a movie or two? Maybe an old Ronald Regan film, like Girls on Probation.