The Seniority Scene in Oakland

Class-- today's discussion will concern seniority and its uses. First, I must disabuse those individuals who believe that Señor Itty is a short shop steward from Mexico.

Here is a five page memo written by the office of the City of Oakland City Attorney by the attorney assigned to deal with a Gordian Knot. What monumental Constitutional conundrum required this input of legal brain power? A dispute over a parking place between two council members--Jean Quan and Delsey Brooks. And the last name of the attorney assigned to write the opinion is--I kid you not --Parker ! Rather than working this out like adult public servants, the councilwomen chose instead to follow the example of the New York State Senate-- unholy deadlock.

The coveted space close to the side door of city hall vacated by retiring council member Henry Chang was up for grabs. Oakland apparently chose not to do the thing that would increase the City's revenue--i.e., raffle it off to the highest bidder. Rather, they resolved to get a legal opinion --but at least it wasn't an opinion each. The Potential Parkers refused to resolve the impasse by drawing straws (if you draw lots to determine a parking space, is the straw in question called a "parking lot"? Just asking. Do you draw it on Purim (Obscure joke--Purim means "lots" in Hebrew.))?

Unbelievably, they resolved to resolve the issue by seniority. So the City Attorney had to opine on which councilwoman too lazy to walk from a less desirable spot had "seniority."

Like anyone who is asked to define a word that everyone knows the practical definition of--the legal opinion's first resort is to Webster's Dictionary. The first definition of the word is "a person older than another." Problem solved. The oldest woman gets the space right? Haven't you ever heard the expression "Age before Beauty?" {When Claire Booth Luce and Dorothy Parker arrived at the same same door simultaneously, Luce let Parker go first, saying archly "Age before beauty." Parker sauntered in while countering "Pearls before swine." }

Delsey Brooks, one of the councilwomen, lists no date of birth on her biography page. But then neither does Jean Quan.
Is it impolite to ask a Councilwoman her seniority? If you award the parking space by seniority does it run afoul of California statutes against age discrimination ? In order to to have "seniority" isn't a señorita required (at least) to act like an adult?

Meanwhile, the memo said it's a tie ! That was a big help. This is a job for the Bush v. Gore court--or whomever is going to do the Iranian election recount.

This dispute should be settled by someone with the wisdom of King Solomon--me. I say, cut the parking space in half and make them both ride motorcycles to work and share it. Next case!