Raucous Caucuses

 News From the GOP's ("Garrulous Old Plutocrats")  PACs with the Devil:

The Republican candidates, campaigning in Nowhere, Alaska, have promised the citizens there they will build that darn bridge that some of them, Rick Santorum being one, have voted to construct.

Mitt ("His Grinchitude") Romney has told Iowans (who are apparently against educating their young--not just in science but also in basic literacy)  that he would cancel subsidies to PBS, and "Sesame Street" in particular, so that we can spend more money on mending our fences with Mexico (i.e., making them Immigrant proof).  "Sesame Street" will then be forced to layoff the Muppets, or sell them.  Butterball turkeys have had their eye on Big Bird for a long time ("The Bird that's Duggar Family Size!"), but Oscar the Grouch may find employment as a judge on "American Idol" replacing Simon Cowell's replacements.

The Count has found the perfect job for him-- bookkeeper at a blood bank. ("One withdrawal, two withdrawals, three withdrawals--Ah ha ha ha! I'm having withdrawal symptoms!") Miss Piggy will follow in the footsteps of Paris Hilton (only she'll leave hoof prints instead), and simply become famous for being famous, until no one will be able to tell her from Snookie (already a difficult task), or about half of the Kardashians.  The  Porcine Divine Miss P. already has a perfume-- "Moi."

Elmo, who is currently red, will be tickled pink.  The letters F and U will go on to star in  R Rated cable productions on HBO,  and be frequent guests of Bill Maher because they have Ari Gold as an agent.

If I were an Iowa Republican ( is" Iowa Republican" a redundancy?) I would be careful with my kids around those candidates.  The way they are going after one another in attack ads it is clear that the Republican party is beginning to eat its young.  Make sure their is plenty of food at those caucuses you GOPers.

Poor Iowa, first Khrushchev, now the Republicans!